The theme that is staying with me. . .I have come to realize that reaction is not a choice at all.  Again, we are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with.  Seems more often than not I am reacting rather than living on purpose.  I guess the ideal situation is to acquire the tools such that my reactions are automatically "on purpose" without having to pause and give it thought.  I will work on this.  In the mean time, I know that I have to pause, silently acknowledge my purpose, then make a decision that carries me further down the path to my purpose.

I defined my purpose for my life a while back. . . maybe when I was 29sh.  I was taking a course called "The Enlightened Millionaire"  or something like that.  At the same time I was reading "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen.  My purpose I defined as "I will make a lasting and positive difference in the world and in the universe."  In this spirit, I have defined supporting goals that will promote my success with my purpose.  One specific goal has served as my primary goal to my purpose.  It is a project that I have had rattling around in my head now since the time I first consciously defined my purpose.  As one might expect, the idea or project has matured and evolved substantially since the inception.  I wonder if the reason I have not realized it is because it has served me as an ideal and maybe a reason to live.  Maybe, I am afraid that if I manifest the idea, I will lose my ideal and thus lose my reason for going on?  Irrational fear, I still have every reason for going on, I know.  Maybe I am just trying to make an excuse for not manifesting my project?  I don't know. . .Anyway. . .

Meditation:  I spent time in silence noticing my breath (spirit), heartbeat, the silence between my breaths.  After the silence,  I noticed much about my purpose and living on purpose.  Choosing consciously rather than reacting.  I considered how I am often reacting and doing the best with the automatic tools I have.  Something that came to mind was my diet and the choices I make with food.  Choices. . .reactions?  I get hungry and I eat. My reactions of late however have been less than stellar.  I have been eating stuff that I consciously know is not serving my purpose with my body.  My purpose with my body is to be healthy, strong and lean.  Had I stopped to consider my purpose and in fact chosen to live on purpose, I would have made different choices.  In reflection, it seems I have been operating out of reaction the last couple of months . 

Loosely interpreted, I have not been exercising my free will or living on purpose.  It makes me a little sad when I am not on purpose.  It seems I have so little time with this life and when I am not on purpose, I lose some very precious time.  I know I am doing the best I can with the tools I have, I just hope I can collect the tools that make me a little more efficient in serving my purpose.  But I digress. . .

Back to the meditation.  I have not been meditating much recently because it seems my focus has been poor.  I am not sure why I perceived poor focus but, the remainder of my meditation, I spent in forgiveness.  Forgiving those where I made up a STORY of being a victim and forgiving myself for making up those horrible stories. . .

I love you and there is nothing in the world you can do about it!