A Birth & Re-Birth

BIRTHING CAYDEN
Love circulates: it is like the blood that pumps through our hearts. In subtle ways, love meanders through our lives, weaving our souls together, helping us connect and bond on many different levels. Sometimes, love is torrential - like standing in the middle of an intense thunderstorm, we feel love as the force of nature itself: sudden, dramatic, cleansing.
Love Heals In giving love: whole-heartedly, unconditionally and generously and in accepting love: knowingly, unflinching, courageously, we experience The Divine. When we dare to lie in Love's cradle, with the true conviction of knowing that we are truly worthy, we are in the presence of Light. In birthing my son, I learned how to stand in this presence, but only because I realized that the only one standing in the way, was me.
Many of us won't consciously admit that Love, in its pure, uncontaminated form, is the most frightening thing! We are afraid to feel, afraid to be happy, afraid to succeed, afraid to fail, afraid to be hurt, afraid to endure, afraid to suffer, afraid to be afraid. We only realize our madness when we stop listening to our egos, that dear part of us that has protected us for so long.
Love circulates: it is like the blood that pumps through our hearts. In subtle ways, love meanders through our lives, weaving our souls together, helping us connect and bond on many different levels. Sometimes, love is torrential - like standing in the middle of an intense thunderstorm, we feel love as the force of nature itself: sudden, dramatic, cleansing.
Love Heals In giving love: whole-heartedly, unconditionally and generously and in accepting love: knowingly, unflinching, courageously, we experience The Divine. When we dare to lie in Love's cradle, with the true conviction of knowing that we are truly worthy, we are in the presence of Light. In birthing my son, I learned how to stand in this presence, but only because I realized that the only one standing in the way, was me.
Many of us won't consciously admit that Love, in its pure, uncontaminated form, is the most frightening thing! We are afraid to feel, afraid to be happy, afraid to succeed, afraid to fail, afraid to be hurt, afraid to endure, afraid to suffer, afraid to be afraid. We only realize our madness when we stop listening to our egos, that dear part of us that has protected us for so long.
Grace The ability to look into the mirror and face the truth is a powerful byproduct of my birthing experience. So much of who we are is locked up in the family history and karma we carry from generation to generation. My family history, where I come from, the culture in which I was raised, all had an influence on my birthing experience. The beauty of being able to birth naturally is a metaphor for a soul's ability to overcome the 'karmic load' we all carry around with us. We learn to recognize who we are: from the wonderful beauty that we secretly admire about ourselves, to what we consider shameful and unspeakable, to our proud accomplishments and our incredibly unthinkable past...It is with grace, release, acceptance and surrender that we can finally look at ourselves and accept who we are. We see the God within us and our Goddess wings emerge.
Time Stood Still I had to get out of my own way, get out of my head, and get my story out of my system in order to accept the gift of birthing my baby. They say that the average time for first time moms is up to 48 hours of labor. My soul needed to take the "scenic route" as it took fours (4) days to walk my journey. In all, my water started leaking on Tuesday before midnight and Cayden was finally born after noon time Saturday. Tuesday - Saturday rounded off to approximately 110 hours of labor. Admittedly, the first stages of labor were tolerable, but as labor advanced, it was no picnic. Clearly, I had "stuff" to work out.
Challenges We all overcome challenges in life - and when we give ourselves the space to work through them, we emerge triumphant and stronger. We are tested and the result is deep conviction. There were complications: At some point, I had reverse dilation. The cord was wrapped around Baby's head. The incredibly long labor was all part of my journey - and my baby's journey. We needed to do this with each other in order to release the baggage that we unknowingly carry. And for the triumph of overcoming this, I am immensely grateful. Needless to say, my emotions were in full force (fear, joy, laughing, crying, anger, frustration, stubbornness over the span of the laboring process). Helped by hormones, I felt my energy body working to transform and lead me to what I needed to do. When I got tired of fighting myself, I got angry and began a circuit around the room. Through frustration, I kicked everyone out of the room and set up stations to labor around the toilet (oh! The toilet was my friend!), to do yoga, to hula dance and move my hips. Four days of labor gave me the time and space and experience to recognize what I hadn't been able to in my everyday life about the meaning of love and the meaning of grace....and more importantly, what I am made of and how to get out of my own way. I was born post war war in Vietnam in 1973. I am of Chinese (hakka) descent. Our family fled the country in a boat as refugees to escape oppression. We ended up in America. I was five when it occurred. I grew up quickly as my mother died when I was 16 and my father was an abusive alcoholic, in and out of my life. I put myself through college, finished and managed to live a relatively "normal life" in anyone's eyes - is anyone really normal afterall? My eyes well up with tears when I dare stand in that truth. I reflect on Cayden's birth all the time and realize that if anyone else was there, I'd be a serious (quick) sure case of c-section...and instead, I have grown by quantum leaps (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually) just because Clare didn't give up on me...and I didn't know any better (fear, signs, etc - all good).
Clare Loprinzi, Traditional Midwife CPM www.MammaPrimitiva.comwww.ClareLoprinzi.com
Had it been someone else who attended my birth, I would have most probably been transferred and would have lost the opportunity all together for this amazing transcendent experience of growth and self realization. The mutual trust that Clare and I have for one another is so amazing and powerful and allows us to do t hings we never think we can. It is still hard for me to quantify this all in words...and that is why, even through these 3 years, I still haven't come up with the right words to express how profound this has been for me. The awakening continues...and I will always support this movement because if we are present to the NOW moment - and not fight the birth, we emerge stronger, more whole, with a clear sense of where we've been - even though we are unsure of where we are going... When we dare to see our own story - uninhibited, in front of us like a naked body of truth, and still be able to breathe it all in and accept ourselves, flaws and all - we have crossed over. For me, crossing over equals birth! I tell everyone I know - if I can do it - so can you. The difference between success and failure is what you believe. Whether you believe you can do it, or not -- You're right!
Time Stood Still I had to get out of my own way, get out of my head, and get my story out of my system in order to accept the gift of birthing my baby. They say that the average time for first time moms is up to 48 hours of labor. My soul needed to take the "scenic route" as it took fours (4) days to walk my journey. In all, my water started leaking on Tuesday before midnight and Cayden was finally born after noon time Saturday. Tuesday - Saturday rounded off to approximately 110 hours of labor. Admittedly, the first stages of labor were tolerable, but as labor advanced, it was no picnic. Clearly, I had "stuff" to work out.
Challenges We all overcome challenges in life - and when we give ourselves the space to work through them, we emerge triumphant and stronger. We are tested and the result is deep conviction. There were complications: At some point, I had reverse dilation. The cord was wrapped around Baby's head. The incredibly long labor was all part of my journey - and my baby's journey. We needed to do this with each other in order to release the baggage that we unknowingly carry. And for the triumph of overcoming this, I am immensely grateful. Needless to say, my emotions were in full force (fear, joy, laughing, crying, anger, frustration, stubbornness over the span of the laboring process). Helped by hormones, I felt my energy body working to transform and lead me to what I needed to do. When I got tired of fighting myself, I got angry and began a circuit around the room. Through frustration, I kicked everyone out of the room and set up stations to labor around the toilet (oh! The toilet was my friend!), to do yoga, to hula dance and move my hips. Four days of labor gave me the time and space and experience to recognize what I hadn't been able to in my everyday life about the meaning of love and the meaning of grace....and more importantly, what I am made of and how to get out of my own way. I was born post war war in Vietnam in 1973. I am of Chinese (hakka) descent. Our family fled the country in a boat as refugees to escape oppression. We ended up in America. I was five when it occurred. I grew up quickly as my mother died when I was 16 and my father was an abusive alcoholic, in and out of my life. I put myself through college, finished and managed to live a relatively "normal life" in anyone's eyes - is anyone really normal afterall? My eyes well up with tears when I dare stand in that truth. I reflect on Cayden's birth all the time and realize that if anyone else was there, I'd be a serious (quick) sure case of c-section...and instead, I have grown by quantum leaps (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually) just because Clare didn't give up on me...and I didn't know any better (fear, signs, etc - all good).
Clare Loprinzi, Traditional Midwife CPM www.MammaPrimitiva.comwww.ClareLoprinzi.com
Had it been someone else who attended my birth, I would have most probably been transferred and would have lost the opportunity all together for this amazing transcendent experience of growth and self realization. The mutual trust that Clare and I have for one another is so amazing and powerful and allows us to do t hings we never think we can. It is still hard for me to quantify this all in words...and that is why, even through these 3 years, I still haven't come up with the right words to express how profound this has been for me. The awakening continues...and I will always support this movement because if we are present to the NOW moment - and not fight the birth, we emerge stronger, more whole, with a clear sense of where we've been - even though we are unsure of where we are going... When we dare to see our own story - uninhibited, in front of us like a naked body of truth, and still be able to breathe it all in and accept ourselves, flaws and all - we have crossed over. For me, crossing over equals birth! I tell everyone I know - if I can do it - so can you. The difference between success and failure is what you believe. Whether you believe you can do it, or not -- You're right!