It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. ~Anne Sexton
11/03/2010. Evie's father made his transition today. A moment of silence is held the honor of his life. In this time of transition, I (Evie) allow the loss to process and churn my spirit so that what is and what is not becomes integrated to my being.
Please hold in prayer for our family, "Let the hurt flow through, let it be. Let the loss flow through, let it be. Let the love run through, let it be." And so it is, Amen.
Please hold in prayer for our family, "Let the hurt flow through, let it be. Let the loss flow through, let it be. Let the love run through, let it be." And so it is, Amen.
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Father, Brother & Me
The image to the left is of my father, brother Bill and me, 1974.
I didn't grow up with a traditional father figure. My late mother raised me, and since her passing when I was 16, I have been 'on my own.' For 32 years now, I have been telling myself that is ok. I allow every Father's Day to pass like a quiet breeze - acknowledging the day, but, not actively 'touching' or wanting anything in return. This year, I woke to remember Dad - how I wish I could remember great things about Dad! Not that I want anything from Him (usual or unusual) - I just wanted to let him know that I was thinking about him, that I love him and to wish him a nice day.
I yearn to call him - but I don't have his number. I have never had his number. After some calls to my other siblings, I have been told that the only person who may have his number is my sister Nancy. I called Nancy, and received her broken non-working answering machine and couldn't leave a message. I called her cell phone and it is a non-working number.
Perhaps, this is God's way of allowing me to remember him and to honor him, without necessarily having his presence in my life.
I didn't grow up with a traditional father figure. My late mother raised me, and since her passing when I was 16, I have been 'on my own.' For 32 years now, I have been telling myself that is ok. I allow every Father's Day to pass like a quiet breeze - acknowledging the day, but, not actively 'touching' or wanting anything in return. This year, I woke to remember Dad - how I wish I could remember great things about Dad! Not that I want anything from Him (usual or unusual) - I just wanted to let him know that I was thinking about him, that I love him and to wish him a nice day.
I yearn to call him - but I don't have his number. I have never had his number. After some calls to my other siblings, I have been told that the only person who may have his number is my sister Nancy. I called Nancy, and received her broken non-working answering machine and couldn't leave a message. I called her cell phone and it is a non-working number.
Perhaps, this is God's way of allowing me to remember him and to honor him, without necessarily having his presence in my life.
They say Father's Day is a day to honor the male figures in one's life - and I choose to honor my father, despite his absence. Dad was around til I was 5 years old, when Mom brough me, two other sisters and grandma (JaPo) to America in 79. A span of nine (9) years separated us, and I didn't see him again until I was 14. I always thought that in his absence, I would still love him and miss him like the day was long. To this day, in spite of his presence, I still choose to love my father and indeed, I miss him like the desert misses the rain.
I had one of those Moms that taught us to "respect our elders" and "honor thy parents." As a child, I remember embracing the thought of Dad and I imagined a love that's big and prescious. Mom always had a way of encouraging me to remember the fun I used to have with him as a toddler - wrestling on the living room floor and laughing like a crazy person from the fun. His favorite thing to do was to tickle me and bite on my ear - he knew I was ticklish in that one spot.
I had one of those Moms that taught us to "respect our elders" and "honor thy parents." As a child, I remember embracing the thought of Dad and I imagined a love that's big and prescious. Mom always had a way of encouraging me to remember the fun I used to have with him as a toddler - wrestling on the living room floor and laughing like a crazy person from the fun. His favorite thing to do was to tickle me and bite on my ear - he knew I was ticklish in that one spot.
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Evie & Father
With the exception of 2 years (age 14 - 16), Dad has been mostly absent. The two years that Dad was physically present in my life were amongst the hardest I had been through. He was not as I remembered him. Dad was not well - he drank - a lot. In his altered state, he was violent and much suffering resulted.
Over the years, I have done a lot of work to get in alignment with Spirit and to grasp peace for the events that happened almost 20 years ago. I know life is too short to hold onto anything that doesn't serve us. I decided that today, Father's Day, marks a monumental day for my personal development. I can honestly say to my father, "Dad, I have been thinking of you and praying for you. In spite of our relationship for the past 32 years, I wish fo you joy, peace and happiness. Thank you for teaching a whole lot about life in your own way."
Over the years, I have done a lot of work to get in alignment with Spirit and to grasp peace for the events that happened almost 20 years ago. I know life is too short to hold onto anything that doesn't serve us. I decided that today, Father's Day, marks a monumental day for my personal development. I can honestly say to my father, "Dad, I have been thinking of you and praying for you. In spite of our relationship for the past 32 years, I wish fo you joy, peace and happiness. Thank you for teaching a whole lot about life in your own way."
Dad is someone special - he touched my life in a special kind of way. Without even being present, Dad has taught me lessons on love, and how to love and give with an open heart - no matter what.
I can hear the Angels whisper to me - this is my lessons to learn...and this special soul - my Dad - my soul mate - has agreed to be my "distance learning" teacher. I heard somewhere once that if something is held in your heart and you are unable to release it, it blocks God's light from shining through.
Today, I thank my father for teaching me much more than words can describe. I honor his Soul and his Spirit and am so grateful for who he has been to me.
My relationship with him, exactly as it is, shapes who I am today. Because of this, I am the one that is blessed.
I let the hurt flow through me, I let it be.
I let the loss flow through me, I let it be.
I let the love run through me and I let it be.
Indeed, what really is important to me is what I remember of my Dad for who he was no longer matters. And so it is...E
I can hear the Angels whisper to me - this is my lessons to learn...and this special soul - my Dad - my soul mate - has agreed to be my "distance learning" teacher. I heard somewhere once that if something is held in your heart and you are unable to release it, it blocks God's light from shining through.
Today, I thank my father for teaching me much more than words can describe. I honor his Soul and his Spirit and am so grateful for who he has been to me.
My relationship with him, exactly as it is, shapes who I am today. Because of this, I am the one that is blessed.
I let the hurt flow through me, I let it be.
I let the loss flow through me, I let it be.
I let the love run through me and I let it be.
Indeed, what really is important to me is what I remember of my Dad for who he was no longer matters. And so it is...E
