I defined my purpose for my life a while back. . . maybe when I was 29sh. I was taking a course called "The Enlightened Millionaire" or something like that. At the same time I was reading "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. My purpose I defined as "I will make a lasting and positive difference in the world and in the universe." In this spirit, I have defined supporting goals that will promote my success with my purpose. One specific goal has served as my primary goal to my purpose. It is a project that I have had rattling around in my head now since the time I first consciously defined my purpose. As one might expect, the idea or project has matured and evolved substantially since the inception. I wonder if the reason I have not realized it is because it has served me as an ideal and maybe a reason to live. Maybe, I am afraid that if I manifest the idea, I will lose my ideal and thus lose my reason for going on? Irrational fear, I still have every reason for going on, I know. Maybe I am just trying to make an excuse for not manifesting my project? I don't know. . .Anyway. . .
Meditation: I spent time in silence noticing my breath (spirit), heartbeat, the silence between my breaths. After the silence, I noticed much about my purpose and living on purpose. Choosing consciously rather than reacting. I considered how I am often reacting and doing the best with the automatic tools I have. Something that came to mind was my diet and the choices I make with food. Choices. . .reactions? I get hungry and I eat. My reactions of late however have been less than stellar. I have been eating stuff that I consciously know is not serving my purpose with my body. My purpose with my body is to be healthy, strong and lean. Had I stopped to consider my purpose and in fact chosen to live on purpose, I would have made different choices. In reflection, it seems I have been operating out of reaction the last couple of months .
Loosely interpreted, I have not been exercising my free will or living on purpose. It makes me a little sad when I am not on purpose. It seems I have so little time with this life and when I am not on purpose, I lose some very precious time. I know I am doing the best I can with the tools I have, I just hope I can collect the tools that make me a little more efficient in serving my purpose. But I digress. . .
Back to the meditation. I have not been meditating much recently because it seems my focus has been poor. I am not sure why I perceived poor focus but, the remainder of my meditation, I spent in forgiveness. Forgiving those where I made up a STORY of being a victim and forgiving myself for making up those horrible stories. . .
I love you and there is nothing in the world you can do about it!